What's the difference between a seamstress and a french horn player? The seamstress says "Tuck the frills."

Maestro (to Horns): "Give us the F in tune!"

Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?

Definitions...

French Horn: your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m.