What's the least-used sentence in the English language? "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

What do you say to a banjo player in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise?"

There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of course it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner.

Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."

What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth? The stage is level.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Give him some sheet music.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common. Both suck when you plug them in.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on? He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

What's the best thing to play on a guitar? Solitaire.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
1.None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
2.Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.
3.One, but the guitarist has to show him first.

Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?