What's the difference between a seamstress and a soprano?
The seamstress tucks and frills.

If you threw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
1.The violist. The soprano would have to stop halfway down to ask directions.
2.Who cares?

What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a soprano and a piranha? The lipstick.

What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull? The jewelry.

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
1.One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
2.Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.
3.Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under her.

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? About 10 pounds.

What is the difference between a soprano and a cobra? One is deadly poisonous, and the other is a reptile.

How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead? The horses seem very relieved.

What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning? Puts on her clothes and goes home.

What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

What's the difference between an alto and a tenor? Tenors don't have hair on their backs.

How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They can't get that high.

What do you see if you look up a soprano's skirt? A tenor.

How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

What's the definition of a male quartet? Three men and a tenor.

If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end, it would be a good idea.

How do you tell if a bass is dead?
1.What's the difference?
2.Who cares?

In the last act of Don Giovanni, there is always a statue which is replaced at some point by a real singer, a bass (the Commendatore). How can you tell when the switch has occurred? The "statue" starts looking a bit stiff.

How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.

What's the definition of an optimist? A choral director with a mortgage.

What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee? It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

Definitions...

Vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

Perfect pitch: astro-turf.